| Resident Evil: Extinction & Good Luck Chuck |
9/21/2007 |
by Tom
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Jovovich, moments away from expressing an emotion
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The first two esteemed Oscar movies arrive at the multiplexes this weekend and moviegoers face a tough decision: zombies or Dane Cook? Free Horsie Rides will weigh the pros and cons of both based on their trailers, which is the best (and fastest) way to judge a film.
Resident Evil: Extinction
Synopsis: From what can be gleamed from the trailer, the movie is set in a post apocalyptic zombie infested Las Vegas. (And since most of the city is covered in sand, I imagine that this would be an excellent opportunity to take advantage of bargain basement hotel rates. Even a weekend getaway wouldn’t be too expensive, although I’d book it soon in case there are conventions in town.) Also, Milla Jovovich wears a bunch of blankets while shooting and kicking things.
Key aspects of trailer: cloning, motorcycles, zombified CGI crows attacking buses, thundering hard rock music, explosions, Ali Larter saying something, some sort of CGI monster thingie, and a creepy British hologram girl
Potential Oscar grabbing scene: Milla Jovovich tenderly touching a giant bubble that holds one of her bikini clad clones.
Oscar bait themes: the plight of the physically challenged (defenseless zombies getting shot through the head with arrows), use of foreign accents (the aforementioned creepy British hologram girl), the effects of living with a terminal disease (I’ll bet that poor sickly CGI monster thingie can’t afford proper healthcare)
Good Luck Chuck
Synopsis: The subtle comedic stylings of Dane Cook are put to great use in this wonderful trailer in which he bangs a bunch of women, expresses surprise, and screams into a phone. He also flails his arms and body around which suggests that his cerebral dick-joke centric humor can also go broad. He’s our generation’s Steve Martin! Also, Jessica Alba does her best “grown-up impression.”
Key aspects of trailer: comic relief fat friend, gimmicky premise, bold use of the Scorpion’s “Rock You Like a Hurricane” (With the exception of its stars, the movie could easily be mistaken for something released in 1985 or a Cuba Gooding Jr. vehicle circa 2002).
Potential Oscar grabbing scene: A toss-up -- either Dane Cook being repulsed by a fat lady eating lobster or Jessica Alba walking into a pole.
Oscar bait themes: against-all-odds story that everyone can relate to (Every woman that this dude bangs ends up marrying someone else), fearless performance from a female (Jessica Alba bravely portrays an attractive girl who falls down a lot)
Verdict: Resident Evil: Extinction
With its mix of astute social commentary (the zombies are metaphors for Al-Qaeda…or maybe Mexicans?) and people running around blowing up shit, look for Paul W.S. Anderson to finally nab a screenwriting Oscar after he was robbed for “Alien VS. Predator.” And the rumor that Milla Jovovich actually emotes in this one could nab her a Best Actress statuette. Also, it has zombie crows and everyone loves zombie crows.
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